Mr Bagel's Funnies No# 20 Always a Jew

Always a Jew

An old American Jew felt that death is close and asked his sons to take him to the Holy Land, to die there and be buried in Jerusalem.

The loving sons did as he asked, brought him to Jerusalem, put him in a hospital and waited for death to come. However, once in Jerusalem the old man felt better and better and in some weeks was again strong, healthy and full of life. He called his sons and told them: "Take me quickly back to the United States."

The sons were somehow disappointed and asked: "Father how come? You said you want to die in the Holy Land and be buried in Jerusalem!'

"Yes," answered the father, to die it's okay, but to live here....!?"

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Mr Bagel's Funnies No# 19In the Name of Love

In the Name of Love

It's Morty and Rivkah's 50th wedding anniversary and to celebrate, their son Aaron invites the close family to a Golden Wedding dinner at his house.

During the evening, Aaron gets very emotional every time he hears his dad call his mom by such endearing terms as 'darling', 'petal', and 'sweetheart'. It's clear to Aaron that his parents are still very much in love.

While Rivkah is out the room, Aaron goes over to his father, kisses him and quietly says, "Dad, I'm so pleased for you both. I think it's fantastic that after 50 years you're still calling mom by those loving pet names."

But Morty, looking very embarrassed, says, "Things are not always what they seem to be, son. I must tell you the truth - I forgot your mother's name about five years ago."

Thanks to Jewlarious

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Mr Bagel's Funnies No# 18Malpractice Insurance

Mr Bagel's Funnies No# 18

Malpractice Insurance

An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.

"Yes Dad, what is it?"

"Don''t be nervous, son. Do your best and just remember, if it doesn''t go well, if something happens to me...your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

Thanks to Jewlarious

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Mr Bagel's Funnies No# 17The Rabbi and his Wife

Mr Bagel's Funnies No 17

The Rabbi and his Wife

The Rabbi and his wife were cleaning up the house. The Rabbi came across a
box he didn't recognize. His wife told him to leave it alone, it was personal.

One day, she was out and his curiosity got the better of him. He opened the box and inside he found 3 eggs and $2000. When his wife came home, he admitted that he had opened the box and asked her to explain the contents to him.

She told him, every time he had a bad sermon, she would put an egg in the
box. He thought to himself, "In twenty years, only three bad sermons,
that's not bad." His wife continued, "And every time I got a dozen eggs,
I would sell them for $1."

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Mr Bagel's Funnies No# 16 Only in Israel...

Mr Bagel's Funnies No 16

Israeli Taxi Joke

An American tourist was riding in a taxi in Israel.
As the taxi approached a red light, the tourist was shocked to see the driver drive straight through without even slowing down. Surprised as he
was, he didn't say anything, feeling himself a 'guest' and not wanting to make waves.

The trip continued without event until the next intersection.
This time the light was green and, to the American's dismay, the cab driver brought the vehicle to a grinding halt.
Unable to contain his astonishment, he turns to the driver. "Listen", he
says, "When you went through the red light, I didn't say anything. But
why on earth are you stopping at a green light?" The Israeli driver looks
at the American as if he was deranged. "Are you crazy?!" he shouts. "The
other guy has a red light! Do you want to get us killed?!"

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